There can be a lot of pressure to start a family and if the couple faces infertility, this can become a crisis. Often one, or even both, partners feel guilt and blame which can wreak havoc on the relationship as well as life in general.
These feelings can spill over into all facets of everyday life, making it very stressful. Infertility has been recognized as one of the more difficult issues that a couple can face. There are ways of dealing with infertility to make the challenge less stressful and avoid impact on other areas of life.
How can you deal with fertility issues? First and foremost, acknowledge that a fertility issue is a crisis and negative emotions will arise. By acknowledging this, you will be better able to face and accept the emotions you will encounter. In order to cope, you have to be able to accept your emotions and move beyond them. Blame somehow always plays a role during a crisis and infertility is no different. Do not blame yourself or your partner. It may be tempting to listen to that small voice inside your head telling you all sorts of irrational things but don't listen to it. It is easy to get caught up in negative thinking patterns, which only causes more stress and exacerbates the challenge. When these negative patterns start happening, and you hear yourself thinking "I should have" or "I could have", gently remind yourself that the infertility is not your fault. Focus on the future. Regardless of the decisions you have made, they are in the past and can't be changed now. Look towards the future.
Partner. Another helpful tip is to work with your partner as a team. Blaming each other and taking your anger and frustration out on one another only makes things worse. This challenge gives you an opportunity to become closer to your partner and you should work together. It's also important that you can rely on one another for support to get you over the fertility issue. This does not mean you should feel the same way at the same time but instead, it means paying attention to your partner. Take care of each other emotionally so you can fight the problem together. If you are going through treatment proceedings, share the responsibility.
Education. Sometimes educating yourself about the issue can be incredibly helpful as you can understand the issue better. Read websites online, ask your doctor questions and even seek out couples who are in a similar situation. Knowing what to expect, things that you can do, as well as sharing your feelings with someone who knows what you are going through can help you feel like you are doing something.
Limits. Discuss with your partner to set limits on how long you are willing to try to conceive as well as how much you are willing to pay to conceive. You may decide you will not try extreme methods or you may decide that you will do pretty much anything to have a child. Discussing what your medical odds are of conceiving, which treatments you are and are not willing to try as well as your end goal can all help make the situation less stressful and avoid fairly big arguments down the road.
Avoidance. If you are having a difficult time dealing with infertility, it is perfectly acceptable to say no to activities that are baby or child focused. There may be certain celebrations or gatherings that are just too painful for you right now so give yourself permission to not attend these events. If you do decide to accept the invitation, allow yourself some time after the event to re-group and perhaps even have a good cry.
Interests. And last but not least, be sure to pursue other interests and try to enjoy everyday life. Make sure you keep up with some hobbies or activities that you find pleasure in doing. Infertility can become all-encompassing for some which can cause added stress. Be sure to have something in your life that can help you relieve stress.